Love Will Make It Right
by MsMarvelous
Summary: Love is not always simple. Steve is strong and Bucky is scared. They are both Beautiful and need each other more then they can admit, more then they are allowed to.


I do not own these characters and profit only from kind reviews.

Author's Note: This is my first step into Captain America Slash. I have written several Bucky and Steve hurt / comfort stories where the focus has been on their brotherly love and devotion to one another. This is just a one shot I wrote to take a break from the longest, (and most stagnate from writer's block) story I have ever worked on and that one is also Slash but like most my other fics takes place post Winter Soldier and features the rehabilitation efforts of Steve and the Avengers to help Bucky reclaim his stolen humanity. I will publish that ridiculously drawn out tale as soon as I finish it but who knows when that will be. In the mean time,…. Enjoy and feel free to leave comments.

Also I am Dyslexic and if a few spelling and grammar errors ruin a story for you, sorry about that.

It was a muggy, hot night with only a slight breeze from the open windows of the 5th story New York apartment. The night was mostly still and quiet for a Brooklyn mid summer, the Irish catholic neighborhood at rest after the celebrations of fireworks during the fourth of July. Steve Rodgers had spent a beautiful night at Coney Island shared with the only family he could almost call his own. Bucky had insisted Steve come with the rest of the Barnes clan for an evening of carnival rides and fireworks, a rare night of fun in a life of constant work and never enough pay at the end of long weeks. Steve and Bucky had only just moved into an apartment as roommates earlier that Spring, struggling to pay rent but making the most of it. Sarah Rodgers had passed away in early November and after spending the coldest months huddled with Bucky on the couch cushions in the cramped Barnes family apartment, they had finally saved up enough money to move into their own crummy but less crowded hole in the wall. Bucky had been working 10 hour days down at the docks while Steve tried to put a smile on as he helped customers and stocked the selves at their local corner store. Old Mr. McNickles understood Steve's loss and he had been more then generous this, Independence day. He had know Steve's father before the first World War and gave Steve a midsummer work bonus to enjoy the holiday.

Steve had allowed himself to be dragged out of his quiet solitude of sketching on the fire escape mostly because he had a few extra dollars in his pocket and he wanted to share it with Bucky and his family who had cared for him like their own since Bucky had first brought him home at age 8 with a bloody noise and scrapped knee. That fourth of July, almost 12 years later, looking up into the night sky Steve had actually smiled for real, the first time in months and for Bucky that had been the best part, better than any fireworks. By the time the park was closing they had gone on countless rides, eaten too much pop corn and hotdogs and played every caravel game twice, Bucky winning a stuffed bear for his younger sister Katie. After Bucky and Steve said good by to the family, Steve used the last few dollars of his bonus money to buy a bottle of Whiskey and the boys spent the rest of the night in a blur of bright lights and dance halls until they somehow managed to make it home in once piece.

That was the night, only a few weeks ago, when something happened, something that might have changed their friendship forever.

Steve didn't remember at first when he had opened his eyes that next morning, sun streaming in though his blinds. He knew his mouth was dry and his head hurt, but when he shifted in his bed, that was when he realized, he wasn't alone. Looking down he felt his heart stop and his breath catch as he suddenly remembered the drunken fragments of his night, coming back to the apartment and bringing Bucky into his bed. Steve's face had grown bright red and he swallowed helplessly as he stared at the top of Buck's bead that rested against his boney, slender chest. Steve's hands clenched the sheets as he forced himself to breath and tried to think clearly about what had happened and what he should do. His startled breath came out in an athematic cough and his eyes went wide when Bucky mumbled and shifted, a sleepy smile on his face as he blinked open his cool blue eyes. Bucky had taken one confused moment of looking at Steve's alarmed expression before he blinked a few more times and shifted to sit up before freezing, his own shock taking hold as he realized he was naked in bed with his best friend. Bucky looked down at his own body half covered by the sheet and then at Steve's equally bared flesh before jumping out of the bed frantically and crashing back against the wall as his eyes grew large and he began to shake his head back and forth.

Something in that moment took hold of Steve, and the look of fear and panic on Bucky's face forced him to set aside his own shock as he turned his focus on reassuring his distressed friend.

"No…..Nonononononononono!... Of God!" Bucky's voice was a gasped whisper as he brought his hands up to his face and covered his eyes.

"Bucky,…. No,….. it's okay,…..it wasn't anything,…. It wasn't….." Steve stammered for the right words, wanting to assure his friend, but of what he wasn't quite sure. Steve and Bucky both knew that to touch each other was a Sin a lesson they had learned when Bucky kissed Steve on his cheek on Valentines Day in 5th grade. Both boys had been severally paddled by the Nun's at St. Joseph's Catholic school and warned by the Priest about the eternal fires of hell where boys who liked kissing other boys would burn forever. Steve wasn't completely convinced that the Priest at their school was speaking for God and Jesus, who seemed more about love and helping others then condemnation. Bucky however, had been terrified about hell and had vivid nightmares, usually after the few times they had gotten drunk and did something they both knew they shouldn't.

Bucky had brought both hands up to his hair and pulled on the roots as he closed his eyes and let out an anguished cry.

"OH MY GOD,…. God forgive us,…. Jesus!... Steve….I…..We…"Bucky looked up at Steve and the desperation shone brightly in his ice blue eyes as he continued shaking his head. He reached down to grab his pants and Steve reached for him but Bucky jumped back, flinching away as he shouted.

"NO!... No, don't … no Stevie…." Bucky was shaking as the first sob broke through his chocked words, holding his pants in a cluster over his groined to hid himself. Bucky edged away toward the door, eyes full of anxiety and guilt and shame as he looked away from Steve's open and honest face that looked so concerned and caring.

"Bucky,….. please,… I won't…" Steve reached out again for him but he continued to shake his head, unable to look his friend in the eye.

"It's a Sin Steve,….. we can't….we…. God…. I'm so sorry!" Bucky was mumbling with shaking breaths as he fumbled to dress himself, Pants and suspenders on with his shirt gripped in his shaking hand.

"Bucky, Please,…. Just listen to me….." Steve begged as he struggled with the sheets, wrapping them around him as he tried to run after his friend who was rushing for the front door. Steve tripped through the threshold into the living room and landed hard with grunt of pain. He looked up and saw Bucky frozen momentarily in the open-door way clutching his shirt and shoes, eyes full of anguish, shame, guilt and despair. He shook his head once more as Steve reached out to him from the floor, no words left, a look of pleading on his distraught face. Bucky whispered softly, with a broken voice and tears in his eyes.

"I'm sorry." Then he was gone, down the stairs and out the door, away from Steve and the Sin they had shared that Independence day of 1937.

Now, almost two weeks later Steve awoke with a sudden shallow breath and blinked into the stale night air, a sheen of sweat covering his thin body. He felt the unnerving sense that someone was watching him and he jerked his head to the side blinking at the hunched figure on the floor. Bucky sat silently, knees pulled to his chest and fully dressed, a mostly empty whiskey bottle clutched in his hand.

"Bucky!" Steve let out his whispered breath and slowly sat up, as if afraid to startle him. He kept his eyes on his best friend who had disappeared and not come back since the night when they took things too far. Bucky looked like hell, with dark circles under his eyes, face bruised from fighting, a bloody noise over a busted lip, hair a mess and cloths stained. He was staring at Steve, eyes glossy and lost but tracking Steve's every move as his hand griped the bottle tight. He didn't respond to Steve, just stayed silently watching him, before taking a slow pull from the bottle, swallowing down the poison that he wanted to serve as a remedy, relief from his turmoil. Steve sat on the bed with his hands braced in the sheets, meeting Bucky's eyes with concern and caution, as he glanced toward and the bottle and then back to Bucky's despondent gaze. After another long and tense minute Steve sighed and his shoulder's slumped as he shook his head.

"Where ya been Buck?" Steve's own voice was exhausted after multiple nights of anxiously waiting for his friend's return and trying to plan what he could say, how he could fix something so shameful and repair his shattered friendship. Bucky looked away with a small shrug and took another long swig before staring at his scuffed and bloody knuckles.

"Out." Bucky answered with a voice that was rough and low.

"You've been fighting." Steve spoke the words as a matter of a fact with a small sigh as he continued to watch his friend. Bucky nodded, and let one leg stretch out, the other still bent and his arm around it. There was another long silence before Steve sighed and stood up, feeling a silent blow as he saw Bucky go ridged with tension, eyes deliberately staring at the bottle in his hands instead of Steve.

"I'm gonna go get the first aid kit. " Steve offered with a flat and even tone willing himself to stay calm in the face of too many emotions. Bucky shrugged again and took a final long gulp of the amber liquid. Steve went to get the kit from the living room and took a calming breath to refocus before he came back in. He turned on the light on the desk and sat down on the floor in front of Bucky, meeting him in the mutual ground between their two beds. Steve quietly got out the rubbing alcohol and bandages before looking up at Bucky and as their eyes met and in that instant he felt his heart shatter at the look on his best friend's face.

"I went to confession,…." Bucky spoke the words with a defeated breath, eyes wet and full of pain. He looked down at his busted knuckles and swallowed. "Not,… not at our Church,…. Not here,…. I went over to the polish church,….." Bucky looked up at Steve and a tear dropped from his eye.

"It's wrong Steve,… what we been doing,….. what,….." He swallowed again and spoke with a quivered breath "What we,…. What we did…that night.… all of it,…. It's wrong." Bucky's voice broke with a sob on the last word. Steve sat still as he watched the torn look flash bright in Bucky's eyes as he looked up at his friend with desperation and hurt.

"Why did we,… why did I let you…" Bucky was chocking on his words, as he shook his head and buried his face in his hands.

"Bucky,… it's not your fault,…. We didn't mean for it to happen it just,…" Steve sighed heavily, feeling his own eyes tear up. "I'm sorry Bucky,… I shouldn't have let things go that far,… I wasn't thinking…." Steve tried to apologize as he stared down at the medical supplies in his own hands. More silence followed before Bucky let out a quivered breath and shifted so both legs lay flat on the ground, looking up at Steve with a humorless smirk.

"The priest,….. He said we both committed a Sin,….. but because I let you,…..let you….." Bucky couldn't say the words and fresh tears escaped his eyes as he shook his head. "The Priest said I'm the one who has defiled my body,….. that I lay with you as only a woman should lay with her husband… and… I…." Bucky cover his mouth as another sob racked through him and he again shook his head. Steve listened to the broken words and found himself reaching forward but stopped with his hand close but not touching. He felt conflicted and torn, wanting to comfort his friend but also aware that to touch him might be unwelcomed.

"I'm disgusting!... I'm a fucking pervert!" Bucky sobbed softly before looking back at Steve with remorse and sorrow. "And now I've corrupted you,….. I spread my sickness to you Stevie,… I'm so sorry…." Bucky was a mess of tears and Steve felt his emotions burst through him in a need to relive Bucky's agony.

"No Buck,… You aren't the one who did anything wrong,…. It was me,…. I wanted to be with you Bucky,….. I've thought about you,…. About touching you,….. about kissing you,….. God I feel like since forever….. I should never of touched you like that Bucky,….. We were both drunk and I had no right!" Steve's own voice broke and Bucky looked at him with desperation and a need. He leaned forward and pulled Steve to him and both young men where a jumble of arms and legs and quiet tears.

"Please don't hate me Bucky,…. Please don't leave me alone,….. I can't loose you Buck!" Steve whispered the words like a broken prayer and Bucky let out a sob.

"I'm evil Stevie,… I am sick and twisted and …." Bucky was shaking as he confessed to his best friend, a man who could provide him with deliverance and absolution when a priest would not.

"No Bucky,… No!" Steve shook his head and leaned back, both hands cradling Bucky's wet cheeks as he forced their eyes to meet. "NO!... You are beautiful, and brave and good,… your so good Bucky and….. I love you,….. I love you so much I can't believe it's a Sin,….. I wont!" Steve felt the fire of indignation in his gut as he shook his head, realizing that he had just spoken out loud something he had always felt but could never admit out loud. He looked strait into his friend's shocked expression, bruised and bloodied face, wet with tears and vulnerable, drunk and desperate for approval.

"The God I believe in has love for his children,….. and love is how we feel his existence…. I love you Bucky,… I won't believe that's evil,…. Not when it feels like the only real thing I know." Steve whispered and looked Bucky deep in his eyes as he blinked a few salty tears down his own cheeks. There was another tense moment before Bucky leaned in, slowly, carefully, the way he did when they were 14 and he offered to teach Steve how to kiss for the first time after they had secretly gotten drunk on communion wine. Steve held his breath and let Bucky's trembling lips connect with his own softly, hesitating and timid. Steve kissed him back just as gently and with a tender touch stroked the side of his face. Bucky pulled back slowly as his eyes searched Steve who offered a calm, reassuring nod.

"I know this is scary Buck,….. and I don't know what I am doing but,…. I do love you and I promise I will stick with ya pal….. Till the end of the line!" Steve swore with a serious look. Bucky let out another quivered breath and wiped at his face before he shook his head again.

"What if,… what if the end of the line is eternal damnation Stevie?" There was a tremor of fear in his voice and Steve leaned forward and kissed Bucky's forehead before pulling him in tight.

"Then we will burn together Buck,…. Where ever you go,…. I'll always follow!" Steve promised and hugged Bucky tight as his friend let out another small sob, and buried his tear streaked cheeks in Steve's neck, inhaling his friend's familiar scent. They didn't know what challenges and tragedy's lay before them, but they knew they had each other and on that hot and humid summer night, that was all that really mattered.

The End.


End file.
